I don't think I have ever felt beautiful. There are times that I think to myself, 'that outfit looks nice on me' or, 'I look good today' but the only day I may have thought I felt beautiful was my wedding day and even then I'm sure if you asked me I probably could have looked down at myself and picked out one flaw to pick on. Why are we so tough on ourselves? Some might blame the media; some might blame peers in school; some might blame one person growing up who said something demeaning and hurtful. I don't blame anyone but myself.
I know my parents thought I was beautiful - maybe they still do haha - but I never felt anything less than a perfect daughter for them. My siblings have always made me feel like I was a part of the family, a part that they wanted there (for the most part - although there were some years in there that this was not the case). My husband tells me I'm beautiful and ironically he told me this 100lbs ago (obviously I do not deserve him :)). But I've just been thinking about this a lot recently, not sure why, but it seems to me that beauty is something we have to work toward. Lately, I've felt beautiful in odd moments and I think to myself, 'this makes me feel beautiful'.
I feel beautiful when I just finished a long run...I also feel disgusting and gross but at the same time wonderfully beautiful because I did something I had no idea my body was capable of accomplishing. I feel beautiful when my son cuddles on my lap and puts his head on my chest - I think 'this love my son has for me and I have for him makes me beautiful'. I feel beautiful when I look around my table and see my sons eating the food I made for them and they are saying 'Mom, this is delicious'. It's odd because food, running, cuddling doesnt make someone beautiful but for some reason it makes me feel beautiful. Weird right???
Maybe it's simply my mind is finally coming to the place where I am realizing that beauty is not in looks...beauty is in life. What makes me, what makes us ALL beautiful, is living our life the way God meant for us to. What is that quote from 'Chariots of Fire'...something like, 'God made me fast and when I run I feel his pleasure'...my interpretation would be something like, 'God made me a Mom/wife/musician/sister etc and when I do those things with joy and love I feel his pleasure and I feel beautiful'.
Just a thought for a dreary Wednesday morning. :)
Ah, my darling daughter, you have finally learned one of the basic truths in life. It takes us all some time to come to the realization because we need to get beyond the media hype and the world view of beauty. Our parents try to tell us, but other voices are louder! But eventually, we discover it! Beauty truly is about what God sees - the heart. You are one of the lucky ones - beautiful inside and out - but everyone has the potential to be beautiful. They just need to find it!
ReplyDeletei will have to tell you about the awards ceremony at the kids' school sometime....aaaahhhh....it was SO nice!!! same concept...loved it!
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